People’s ignorance astounds me. People have a tendency to say whatever it is they think without considering the impact of their words or whether they really have enough knowledge of the situation to even give a valid opinion. What am I talking about and why am I so angry? I’ll tell you.

I just checked my email. MS Magazing just sent me an email telling me that the story I shared about my personal rape experience may very well be used on their blog or published in a future issue of their magaziine. They also gave me a link to the page of their blog discussing rape and rape issues. I was reading through a few of the stories that were shared, a few articles and I also read the comments that followed. There were a few that were clearly from people with less knowledge of rape and how survivors feel, but there was one comment that had me turning red.

JENNA says:

June 26, 2011 at 9:44 pm

You can’t catch all the serial rapists in the world. The FBI’s definition may very well be outdated but changing the FBI’s definition of rape won’t prevent people from getting raped. Signing petitions won’t prevent people from getting raped. It’s up to women to empower themselves. Rapists prey on the weak- women with low self-esteem and women with a history of alcohol and substance abuse are at the top of their list. Don’t be a potential victim.

If you’re a survivor. Signing petitions won’t heal your wounds. Get therapy. People who are raped are often victimized again and again. There’s a reason for that. Find out why.

Then this woman goes on to comment a second time:

JENNA says:

July 2, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Rapists prey on the weak. That is a fact. 90% of date rapes involve alcohol or substance abuse. What does that tell you? It takes two to tango. Drinking until you are unconscious is not an excuse, it’s a serious serious problem.

Rapists have their own issues. But they are the kind of issues that require years of therapy, not a rape prevention course. Do some research. I think you will find that alcohol abuse is a common thread between predators and victims. Alcohol abuse is always a red flag that there are deeper psychological issues at play.

It’s time women took responsibility for their own well-being. Instead of naively thinking that we can lock up all the bad guys or that somehow we can re-train rapists. I would rather see my tax dollars being used to raise awareness for alcohol abuse. Preventing rape means getting to the root of the problem.

I could absolutely scream right now. Jenna shows her own ignorance and stupidity in her comments. Those of us who have survived rape know that RAPE IS RAPE. It cannot be justified. It cannot be pigeonholed. It cannot be discounted.

“Rapists pray on the weak women with low self esteem and women with a history of alcohol and substance abuse are at the top of that list.”"It takes two to tango.” “It’s time women took responsibility for their own well being.” “I would rather see my tax dollars being used to raise awareness for alcohol abuse. Preventing rape means getting to the root of the problem.”

These quotes are from someone who has the audacity to make judgements on something they clearly have no understanding of. This Jenna woman should have to sit in a room with rape survivors and listen to them share their stories and see the emotion on their faces. She should have to be there at a trial when a child, just like I was, recounts the force and pain inflicted when they were raped. She should have to look into that child’s face and see the destruction and misery that was caused and the innocence that was stolen. Then she should see if she can look anyone of those victims, any one of those children in the face and say, “It takes two to tango and you should have taken responsibility for your own well being. Get therapy. You were weak and you must have low self esteem.”

Jenna is blaming the victim. She seems to think that there is only one type of person that gets raped. I have news for her: all kinds of people get raped. Men, women, children, affluent people, poor people, drug addicts, people who never drink, never do drugs and attend church every week, etc. It is something that can happen to anyone at any time. Yes, there are things you can do to protect yourself and hopefully prevent it, but there is no guarantee that you will be 100% safe every single day of your life. There is always a chance that you will be raped and if you are it is not your fault.

Part of me is glad Jenna commented, because she showed the ignorant and judgemental nature of some people that try to stand in the way of justice and our society progressing into something better. Hopefully when other people read her comments it will give them the nudge they need to step up and say that such statements are out of line and should not be tolerated. Our society needs to change and anyone with half a brain will see the narrow minded, big mouth that Jenna is. People like her are the reason rapists aren’t convicted in so many cases and they remain at large and are free to rape again and again. Even if you have never been raped, I hope that after reading this, you will see that it is time for you to add your voice to the rest of ours that only want justice for the survivors and safety for the incoming generations. I want my daughter to feel safe in this world we live in.

As long as people like Jenna attempt to stand in our way of progress, we need to step up and either show them why what they think is so ignorant and incorrect or make damn sure our voice rings louder. As Ghandi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

I had my daughter over 17 months ago. I was under the impression that all the breast pain, leaking, mastitis, and other fun things associated with breast feeding and breast milk were loooong gone. Pff. Whatever!

It’s been over a year since I pumped or breastfed and I had joyfully forgotten the misery that went along with all of it. That is until about a week ago. Apparently, if you aren’t many years out from breastfeeding, your milk can come back anytime just for the fun of it. In the last month, I have several friends who have found out that they are pregnant. I also have several others that have just given birth and they’re nursing. My breasts decided they wanted in on the action and without my permission. I am currently fighting getting mastitis. I have lots of pain and leaking and NO NEWBORN, so it all needs to go away IMMEDIATELY! No one ever mentioned that this was even possible. I am in shock.

There are very, very few times when I wish I were a man. This week is one of them. Hubby? Let’s trade. I’ll take all your equipment and you can have mine, since mine are currently (in my opinion, though not my OBGYN’s) malfunctioning. My OBGYN actually seemed quite amused when I showed up in his office horrified that my breasts have a mind of their own. He was ever so nonchalant about it and insisted that mastitis this far out from having a baby isn’t all that unusual. Grreeeeaaaaattt…… just peachy. Thanks a lot.

I’m an email hoarder. Yes, I said email hoarder. What is an email hoarder and why is it a bad thing? I’ll tell you, but first let me give you some background.

My first computer had floppy disks, the 5 1/4 inch kind. I had had my eye on that thing for a long, long time. When my mom finally got a new computer, she gave the old one to me. I got it all set up in my room and it died within the hour. I was devastated, but my love for technology had begun. Eventually we got a pc with Windows and I got my first email address. That’s when the real addiction began, unbeknownst to me. I got mostly spam, but I did email back and forth with a few friends that had moved out of state.

By high school, I was emailing significantly more. I found myself beginning to check my email more and more frequently. I would read a particularly good one and file it into a folder. I told myself: What if I decide to refer back to it? What if a friend might find it interesting? What if I want to read it again? Did any of those things ever happen? No. Did I care? No, because if I were to delete an email, that would be the one time one of those things would happen and then where would I be? Cursing myself for deleting it, that’s where.

One day, I met the man of my dreams and he introduced me to the world of Mac. Ahhh yes. I’m an Apple girl. I LOVE MY MAC. I love it I love it I love it. It even has “smart” email inboxes that it can filter things into, so I don’t have to do it manually later. I, however, never use this feature, because I’m a control freak and I want to do it myself. It’s nice to know it’s there! I also have a junk mail box. I nearly panic if emails go in there and get deleted before I have a chance to make sure they’re junk. What if one day I met a single Jewish person who wants to try online dating? I could forward them one of the Jewish Singles Dating emails I get on a weekly basis. If it were to go straight to my junk mail, then I might forget about it.

Ok, no really, let’s get serious. I do have a major issue. I try so hard to keep my email inbox under control, but I’m overwhelmed. My iPhone is always “dinging” and letting me know I got an new email. Then I look and the evil little white number in the red circle in the upper right corner of the app icon that makes my heart pitter patter tells me I have 34 unread emails. I’m only too eager to see who has sent me something. I delete all the junk mail and then I start reading through the real ones. I’ll have a couple from friends and family and I read those first. I then plan on filing them in a folder, but I haven’t replied yet and I don’t have time right away, so I leave them in my inbox to remind me to reply later. Then I read through the forwarded emails from my MIL and my mom. I should delete those, but what if I want to read them again later or send them to someone else? I better keep them. I then read through the emails that I have signed up for or that my family has signed me up for. I love the recipes emails and everything always looks so good. I plan on making each recipe, so I keep the email, so that I can print them out later. I don’t have time right now. I get emails from Carter’s (I have to keep an eye out for sales, because of my 17 month old,) I get emails from several art websites (not that I ever find time to try out their amazing techniques, but I might one day, so I keep the emails,) and I get emails from numerous other websites, all of which I save, because I plan on using them one day. Whew! Ok. I usually still have at least five or so left, but my daughter needs me or I have to go somewhere. I will read them later. At least, that’s the plan.

I eventually get to the point where I have hundreds of emails in my inbox. It’s a sickness. I want to delete them, but just the thought gives me anxiety. What the hell? When did I become this person? Why is it that my hubby opens his email, reads it, deletes it, and moves on. I want to do it too! I have cleaned my inbox out completely several times, but I simply put them all in various folders. It’s like when you “clean” your house by stuffing everything in closets. Please don’t open one of my folders or you will get an avalanche of random emails. If you ever hear about an email hoarding anonymous meeting in my area, let me know. I need help.

Hallelujah! I just read this article, “Free Women’s Birth Control Now A Reality Under Affordable Health Act.” It states that:

“U.S. health insurance companies will now be required to offer women free birth control and other preventive health care services. In addition, free screening for gestational diabetes, testing for human papillomavirus in women over 30, counseling for HIV and sexually transmitted infections, lactation counseling, screening for domestic violence and yearly wellness visits will all be included women’s health coverage.”

It’s about time that a measure like this was passed. (Technically, it’s a number of things that have been added to the existing Affordable Health Act passed in 2010.) It won’t go into effect until August 1st, 2012, but once it does, hopefully the rates of unintended pregnancies will decline in this country. The following excerpts are straight from the CDC website:

“In 2001, approximately one-half of pregnancies in the United States were unintended (Finer 2006, Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health), and the United States has set a national goal of decreasing unintended pregnancies to 30% by 2010.”

“A large part of many women’s reproductive lives, from menarche to menopause, may be spent trying not to become pregnant.¹² Effective contraception is important for women who wish to avoid pregnancy at certain times during their lives. However, recent research noted that 50% of all unintended pregnancies were among women who did not use contraception, and that the overall rate of unintended pregnancy could be cut in half if these women were to use highly effective contraception.^13″

Birth control is almost invariably expensive. The range is vast, depending on which type of birth control, how often you have intercourse, if you have insurance coverage, etc. This measure doesn’t help women with no health insurance, but at least it’s a step in the right direction. I paid a LOT to get a Mirena I.U.D. after my daughter was born. My husband and I are enjoying having just one child and we are not looking to have another at this point in our lives. All of the religious and conservative groups who oppose birth control drive me crazy. Just because I’m married and I enjoy sex, doesn’t mean that I want to have one child after another until I go through menopause. I am not going to abstain and pregnancy is just not an option. I honestly do not believe my body could handle another pregnancy at this point, plus the odds of me even being able to have another baby aren’t very good. It’s not worth the risk to my health, either physically or mentally. The groups that believe what I’m doing to prevent pregnancy is wrong should walk a mile in my shoes and then, once they are fully informed, maybe they would have a different opinion. I’m sure there are numerous stories out there that would shed a positive light on birth control, but those groups refuse to listen.

On another note, why oppose something that is going to help prevent innocent little babies being born to mothers who aren’t ready or who aren’t capable? Some unintended pregnancies will result in a baby who is loved and adored every single day. Others result in a child either being neglected, ending up in the foster care system or in some other situation that’s potentially negative and in which the child doesn’t have a say-so. Our country is already struggling in terms of finding homes for all the children that need them and maybe this measure will help to lighten the load. Plus, women like me are thrilled, because my pregnancy was expensive enough, I didn’t need a huge bill from trying to prevent another.

I also want to touch on the fact that other preventative health care is going to be fully covered. I read this article, “Affordable Care Act Rules on Expanding Access to Preventative Services for Women.” It goes into more detail than the first article and after reading it I want to jump up and down! Pregnancy is so expensive and it only gets worse after the baby is born. All the supplies that you need to take even minimal care of yourself and your baby will make anyone want to cry. The idea that future moms (and dads) won’t have to worry about coming up with the funds for some of the basic healthcare following a pregnancy is awesome. I payed nearly $200 for a breast pump and by next August, other moms won’t have to pay for them. The article also mentions child wellness visits being covered and that alone saves hundreds of dollars in the first year. Add in all the other things that will be covered and how could you not be thrilled that all of this was added to the Affordable Health Act? I may not get in on the action for saving money on my first child, but I’m looking forward to saving on future OBGYN visits for my yearly wellness and maybe another pregnancy and child down the road. Like I said in the beginning, “HALLELUJAH!”

I promised myself that when I lost all the pregnancy/baby weight, I was going to appreciate my body and wear things that I’ve always admired on other women, but never dared to wear myself. Well, the time has come for me to cash in on that promise and that’s exactly what I did when I went clothes shopping last Thursday. I walked into the store and went right up to all the clothes I never would have dared to even try on in years past. I put on cute tank tops and dresses. I even tried some fun shoes on. That’s when I saw the jeggings. Jeggings? What the hell are jeggings and why would I ever want a pair? I mean, jean leggings, come on. Who came up with such a ridiculous idea? I want to know so that I can GIVE THEM A HUGE HUG!!!! Holy cow people! I grabbed a couple of pairs, tried them on and when I walked out of the dressing room, my husband’s eyes nearly fell out of his head. I have only gotten that reaction from him maybe once or twice. I bought three pair.

I put them on with a new tank top and high heels on Friday and my husband couldn’t stop staring. *grin* He said over and over, “I don’t know who you are! You look amazing!” My husband has only seen me in heels a few times and I’ve never worn tight pants. He’s certainly never been quite so complimentary either. After I got a new haircut which included cutting bangs (I haven’t had bangs since I was 12 or 13,) and my husband nearly died. He finally said he wanted to take me out on a date. I don’t even remember our last date that we went on alone, without a baby. We went out and I felt like I was walking on air, somewhat painful air as I’m not used to high heels, but air nonetheless. I don’t think I stopped smiling once. It wasn’t just that my husband thought I looked sexy. It was also because for the first time in a very, very long time, I felt good about my body. I was proud of myself for doing something out of my comfort zone. I bought jeggings and wore them with high heels! Anyone who knows me well, knows that I wear jeans, sneakers and t-shirts. Boring to the extreme, because I lost my self confidence a long time ago. Well, folks, I got it back!

I said early this year that I was going to love me for me and quit ragging on myself for all the little imperfections. I am going to love myself inside and out. Each and every day I get closer to my goal. My family and friends have helped so much and I appreciate all the support I’ve received. I love you guys! Oh, and hubby, you have been such an amazing support system. Without you and your love, I don’t know where I’d be. Thank you for catching me when I fall. I love you babe.

Three funny things happened recently with my 16 month old daughter. Funny is a relative term of course. All of these things were funny only because my daughter did them and she’s super cute and she gets away with everything. Also, they were only funny after the fact.

Hilarious Event Number One: My daughter was watching tv and eating a piece of toast. She always runs back and forth like a nut, because she can’t sit still for even two seconds. I wasn’t surprised when she disappeared behind the loveseat and then reappeared and beelined over to hubby saying, “Dad, Dad!” She has her arm out and hubby figures that she’s done eating her toast and is handing him the leftovers. Hubby holds his hand out and takes the “toast,” only to realize that it’s cat vomit! EEEWW! He screamed like a girl and flew up off the couch faster than I ever thought possible. My daughter’s eyes went all wide and shocked, like, “What? What’s going on? What did I do?” I guess one of our kitties realized that it had been a few days since we’d cleaned up cat vomit and barfed behind the loveseat. My daughter was the first one find it and she thought Dad should have it. What a sweet gift to give her Daddy! I only wish I had it on video, so I could blackmail him with that high-pitched scream later.

Hilarious Event Number Two: The other day I learned that parents aren’t the only people who need to watch what they say around a toddler who’s learning to talk. I was at a girlfriend’s home when another friend dropped by to visit. He was telling a story of how he told his niece that if she didn’t do what she was supposed too, he would jokingly “…whoop her butt.” The niece then promptly replied, “Butt! Butt!” Well, my daughter was listening and when he finished telling the story, she looked right at him and said, “Butt!” I turned and said, “What? What did you just say!? “Butt! Butt!” Oh no. No no no no no. That is not a good word for her to learn! I turned and thanked him for teaching my daughter such a wonderful new word to add to her growing repertoire. He has now taught two little girls to use this classy word. Gee, thanks. In the back of my mind, all I could think was that the next time my mom is visiting, that will be the first thing her sweet, little granddaughter says. She’ll go barreling up to her and say, “Butt!” I can just picture the look on my mom’s face. Oh the horror…

Hilarious Event Number Three: I personally don’t find this one hilarious at all, but my hubby sure seemed to think was funny. (After the fact…) I had put my daughter in the tub for her nightly bath. My feet were killing me from wearing heels all day, so I had them in the tub with her. She thought that was great, because my feet kept “getting” her and tickling her belly. So there we are laughing and having a peachy good ol’ time, when all of the sudden she stops and concentrates. Oh shit! LITERALLY! It was absolutely awful. I didn’t know such a tiny person could be such a big pooper. I flew out of the tub and screamed. I know I should be this calm and collected mother, but if you had seen what I saw, you would have hollered too. I had to get the baby out of the tub to clean it, and as soon as I did, she went running down the hallway 90 mph, butt-naked. I went to chase after her, but the cat came in and wanted to play with the “floaties” in the tub. Oh my gosh GROSS! All I could think was, “This can’t possibly be happening!” It all became complete chaos as I’m begging the cat to go away and chasing the baby and yelling for my hubby. He had gone to have a shower, but with all the noise, he came running out in his birthday suit. He was yelling, “What the *#&$ is going on out here!?” Wow. That was madness. If anyone had walked in right at that moment, I can only imagine what they would have thought of us: all of were wet, there’s a naked baby and a naked daddy, and a frazzled, stressed out mommy–all running around, all screaming. That scene was definitely not one that I pictured when I was pregnant and imagining the future of motherhood.

It seems I have joined the ranks of the moms who have ridiculous stories that no one ever believes until they have kids too. Would I trade even one second of poopy tubs, tantrums, embarrassing mommy  moments, screaming and chaos? Absolutely not. I may get frustrated, but I laugh about it all later. There is so much more happiness than anything else.

Gotta love kids… they make you smile, they make you laugh, and they drive you nuts sometimes too.

If you have kids, then you know the title says it all. It’s so difficult for a couple to find the time to be alone together or work on their relationship after the arrival of a little one.  I’ve been told it gets harder and harder with each child you bring into the family. I can only imagine, as my hubby and I only have our 16 month old and we NEVER go out alone anymore. It’s not the same to just sit and watch tv together.

Well, I had an incredibly stressful week and I finally hit my breaking point. My daughter had been teething and ornery all day and while I was trying to make a healthy meal for all of us and do the dishes, she was throwing her dinner all over the floor and hollering at me. I told hubby that he needed to deal with her, so that I could finish dinner. While he was getting her ready for bed, I realized that my sanity was on the line. I needed a romantic evening with no stress or I was going to run out the front door and down the street screaming. I decided to do the unthinkable. I got out our fine china and set the table. I got out some candles and wine glasses. I even turned all of the brightest lights and our phones off. With dinner made and plated nicely and chilled wine ready to pour, I actually sat down and relaxed. Hubby got the baby to bed and for the first time in months, we had a romantic dinner for two.

We talked about how good the food was and how weird it was to be drinking wine (it’s not something we do normally.) We even found ourselves giggling over the fact that it was still light outside, but we had candles burning, we had fine china on old bamboo place mats, good food and lullabies playing in the background. It would probably have seemed like a strange setting to anyone else, but to us it was a much needed reprieve from the daily grind. It was simply heaven. Every couple needs a chance to reconnect, to slow down and to breathe a little. We put the whole world on hold for an hour and it didn’t come to an end. If you feel like you’re racing and the world is a blur, maybe it’s time for you to sit down and have an evening with your significant other or someone else who makes you feel good. I promise the world, and the dishes, will wait.