Three funny things happened recently with my 16 month old daughter. Funny is a relative term of course. All of these things were funny only because my daughter did them and she’s super cute and she gets away with everything. Also, they were only funny after the fact.

Hilarious Event Number One: My daughter was watching tv and eating a piece of toast. She always runs back and forth like a nut, because she can’t sit still for even two seconds. I wasn’t surprised when she disappeared behind the loveseat and then reappeared and beelined over to hubby saying, “Dad, Dad!” She has her arm out and hubby figures that she’s done eating her toast and is handing him the leftovers. Hubby holds his hand out and takes the “toast,” only to realize that it’s cat vomit! EEEWW! He screamed like a girl and flew up off the couch faster than I ever thought possible. My daughter’s eyes went all wide and shocked, like, “What? What’s going on? What did I do?” I guess one of our kitties realized that it had been a few days since we’d cleaned up cat vomit and barfed behind the loveseat. My daughter was the first one find it and she thought Dad should have it. What a sweet gift to give her Daddy! I only wish I had it on video, so I could blackmail him with that high-pitched scream later.

Hilarious Event Number Two: The other day I learned that parents aren’t the only people who need to watch what they say around a toddler who’s learning to talk. I was at a girlfriend’s home when another friend dropped by to visit. He was telling a story of how he told his niece that if she didn’t do what she was supposed too, he would jokingly “…whoop her butt.” The niece then promptly replied, “Butt! Butt!” Well, my daughter was listening and when he finished telling the story, she looked right at him and said, “Butt!” I turned and said, “What? What did you just say!? “Butt! Butt!” Oh no. No no no no no. That is not a good word for her to learn! I turned and thanked him for teaching my daughter such a wonderful new word to add to her growing repertoire. He has now taught two little girls to use this classy word. Gee, thanks. In the back of my mind, all I could think was that the next time my mom is visiting, that will be the first thing her sweet, little granddaughter says. She’ll go barreling up to her and say, “Butt!” I can just picture the look on my mom’s face. Oh the horror…

Hilarious Event Number Three: I personally don’t find this one hilarious at all, but my hubby sure seemed to think was funny. (After the fact…) I had put my daughter in the tub for her nightly bath. My feet were killing me from wearing heels all day, so I had them in the tub with her. She thought that was great, because my feet kept “getting” her and tickling her belly. So there we are laughing and having a peachy good ol’ time, when all of the sudden she stops and concentrates. Oh shit! LITERALLY! It was absolutely awful. I didn’t know such a tiny person could be such a big pooper. I flew out of the tub and screamed. I know I should be this calm and collected mother, but if you had seen what I saw, you would have hollered too. I had to get the baby out of the tub to clean it, and as soon as I did, she went running down the hallway 90 mph, butt-naked. I went to chase after her, but the cat came in and wanted to play with the “floaties” in the tub. Oh my gosh GROSS! All I could think was, “This can’t possibly be happening!” It all became complete chaos as I’m begging the cat to go away and chasing the baby and yelling for my hubby. He had gone to have a shower, but with all the noise, he came running out in his birthday suit. He was yelling, “What the *#&$ is going on out here!?” Wow. That was madness. If anyone had walked in right at that moment, I can only imagine what they would have thought of us: all of were wet, there’s a naked baby and a naked daddy, and a frazzled, stressed out mommy–all running around, all screaming. That scene was definitely not one that I pictured when I was pregnant and imagining the future of motherhood.

It seems I have joined the ranks of the moms who have ridiculous stories that no one ever believes until they have kids too. Would I trade even one second of poopy tubs, tantrums, embarrassing mommy  moments, screaming and chaos? Absolutely not. I may get frustrated, but I laugh about it all later. There is so much more happiness than anything else.

Gotta love kids… they make you smile, they make you laugh, and they drive you nuts sometimes too.

If you have kids, then you know the title says it all. It’s so difficult for a couple to find the time to be alone together or work on their relationship after the arrival of a little one.  I’ve been told it gets harder and harder with each child you bring into the family. I can only imagine, as my hubby and I only have our 16 month old and we NEVER go out alone anymore. It’s not the same to just sit and watch tv together.

Well, I had an incredibly stressful week and I finally hit my breaking point. My daughter had been teething and ornery all day and while I was trying to make a healthy meal for all of us and do the dishes, she was throwing her dinner all over the floor and hollering at me. I told hubby that he needed to deal with her, so that I could finish dinner. While he was getting her ready for bed, I realized that my sanity was on the line. I needed a romantic evening with no stress or I was going to run out the front door and down the street screaming. I decided to do the unthinkable. I got out our fine china and set the table. I got out some candles and wine glasses. I even turned all of the brightest lights and our phones off. With dinner made and plated nicely and chilled wine ready to pour, I actually sat down and relaxed. Hubby got the baby to bed and for the first time in months, we had a romantic dinner for two.

We talked about how good the food was and how weird it was to be drinking wine (it’s not something we do normally.) We even found ourselves giggling over the fact that it was still light outside, but we had candles burning, we had fine china on old bamboo place mats, good food and lullabies playing in the background. It would probably have seemed like a strange setting to anyone else, but to us it was a much needed reprieve from the daily grind. It was simply heaven. Every couple needs a chance to reconnect, to slow down and to breathe a little. We put the whole world on hold for an hour and it didn’t come to an end. If you feel like you’re racing and the world is a blur, maybe it’s time for you to sit down and have an evening with your significant other or someone else who makes you feel good. I promise the world, and the dishes, will wait.

My daughter is teething. BIG TIME. Her bottom two molars are halfway in and they are clearly driving her nuts. They are driving me nuts too. When she is that miserable, she doesn’t nap. When she doesn’t nap, she’s ornery as hell, because she’s exhausted. A tired toddler doesn’t deal as well with teething pain and a worn out mommy doesn’t deal well with a tired, ornery toddler.

Well, worn out mommy and tired, ornery toddler had to go to Walmart to buy some ingredients for dinner last night. We dragged hubby along. We are shopping as fast as we can, but it soon becomes clear that tired, ornery toddler isn’t going to make it through the shopping trip without food. I grabbed two Buddy Fruits, one to scan twice at the checkout, and one to feed the impatient toddler. We had a peaceful 5 minutes and then the crying started. I grabbed two string cheese and we had the same scenario. We have one last thing to get, but tired, ornery toddler has had enough! ALL OUT HELL BREAKS LOOSE. She’s screaming, hitting at both mommy and daddy and we are so embarrassed and overwhelmed that we snap at each other. All of this with a Walmart employee literally 4 feet behind us, staring wide-eyed. We have a 6-pack of Parent’s Choice “pediasure” in the cart, so I whip one out, open it and try to help her drink it. Little did I know that last night was the day when she decided that she will drink out of a can by herself. She smacked my hands away and then she dumped it… aaaallllll oovvveerrrr….. *sigh*

That was it. I was done. I grabbed my screaming child, told hubby to check out and we’d meet him at the car. I headed for the front of Walmart as fast as I could with my tired, ornery toddler screaming and flailing the whole way. It was like the walk of mommy shame. EVERYONE stopped and stared. I avoided eye contact as much as possible and when we finally stepped out into the sunshine I was so relieved. I barreled to the car and strapped the tired, ornery toddler in. She stopped screaming and stared at me. She gave me this look like, “Hey mom. You look upset. Is something wrong?” Really? After all that, you are suddenly fine? Life is peachy, you are content, nothing happened. What the hell?

That was the final straw and I wanted to cry. I sat in the front seat, turned the radio up and took many, many deep breaths. When hubby got to the car, I drove us home as fast as I could. I couldn’t take one more tantrum, one more screaming fit. I could tell by the look on hubby’s face that he couldn’t either. We both did our best not to fall apart as we were getting our tired, ornery toddler ready for bed. Every single thing we did set her off. It was the biggest relief to get that kid in bed, I tell you!

I was never going to be that mom in the store with an inconsolable child. I used to think, “Doesn’t that mom see that their child is tired and hungry? Why on earth would they bring a child to the store in that state? Shame on them.” I’m sure many other people at Walmart last night that don’t have kids looked at me and thought the same damn thing. To judge what you don’t understand is so stupid and so easy to do. I want to express my sympathy to the other stressed out, worn out, had a screaming kid all day, mommies that I used to judge. I did not understand, but I sure as hell do now. You have my condolences and my apologies.

The other night I had what I call a “trigger.” Those old feelings came flooding in like a hurricane and I thought I might drown. Wave after wave. Each time I kept thinking I’m ok, I’m ok and then the next one swallowed me up. It’s been so long since I felt that way and I have gained new understanding of myself and where those feelings come from. I reminded myself that it was ok to feel those feelings. It was ok to hurt and to feel the pain. It was also ok to talk it out and let it go. I am not ashamed. I did nothing wrong and I can allow myself to be outraged at the hurt and the pain. Anger is a normal feeling too, as long as I’m not angry at myself. I reminded myself that because I did nothing wrong and those feelings, though unexpected and scary at first, were normal and so I don’t need to hate myself for feeling them. I felt and I released and I breathed again.

If these words ring true for you, then I hope you realize that they are a reminder that though we all feel alone in this (even nearly 12 years later, as it is for me) we are not. We may be alone in our families in this experience, but we are not alone in the world. There are others like us, who feel what we feel and who have overcome. We are powerful in our own right and we deserve freedom from the pain. Release yourself. Feel and then let go. It isn’t possible in the beginning and if you are standing on that precipice, please know that others have gone before you. You will survive and YOU ARE STRONG. We have lived each day, the good ones and the bad ones and you will too. It’s only a matter of time before you only RARELY have a bad moment. You will always have those memories inside of you, but one day they will cease to surface and cease to ache. When you have those occasional triggers, remember that you can feel and let go. Don’t hate yourself, for you are beautiful and nothing you did then was wrong and nothing you feel now is either. Breathe. When you feel like you can’t, take strength from those that went before you. I will gladly give that to you.

 The darkness that takes over

And prevents my breath

I choke and struggle

Begging for relief

For release

The light fades from my sight

No one hears my screams

I’m alone now

And I’m scared

He took my body so many years ago

But he didn’t take my heart

And my soul fights with a vengence

These times, these moments

When the memories

Take my breath away

Is all that he’ll ever get from me

And they are only temporary

Because I am strong

I am powerful in my soul

I will not let those feelings

Enter my heart

I remind myself of my

Strength and beauty

Even all alone I am a force to be reckoned with

The light slowly returns

And I take a deep breath

A calm and a peace surround me

I’ve done it.

I control my memories

They will NEVER control me

My body is my own

As is my mind

And I have a self respect

And a power

That only a rape survivor understands.

Victim I am not

Not anymore.

Lane Lambert Ruesch

You know what I’m talking about. We have all seen them. Those women who look like they’ve dipped their head in a paint bucket. The dark orange face with a visible makeup line between their face and their neck. It’s all caked on and you can usually see a line right next to the hair line too. Their eyebrows look like they have been shaved off and then drawn on with a black marker. They have heavy eye makeup and lots of lipstick. You can often tell that they didn’t blend the lip liner with the lipstick, because it looks as if someone drew a dark line around their lips.

Some people think there is a fine line (no pun intended) between enough makeup and too much. I’m not so sure, as it seems fairly obvious to me. I think that you should NEVER see the foundation. If you can tell a difference between a woman’s face and her neck and hair line and it looks like a mask, you have too much makeup on and it’s probably the wrong color. A good rule that I learned in modeling, so that you don’t look like you have too much makeup on, is play up your eyes OR your lips, but not both. If you want to have really dark, smoky eyes and lots of liner, then put a natural shade on your lips. If you want bold, red lipstick, go easy on the eyes. By doing this, you avoid looking like a hooker. (Is street walker more politically correct or is it condescending… anyway…) It also depends on what time of day it is and where you’re going. If it’s noon and you are headed to the grocery store, you don’t need 12 pounds of mascara and dark lipstick. A more natural look is better. If it’s late evening and you are going out dancing or on a date, extra mascara and eye shadow is going to be fine.

I am not claiming to be an expert. I play around with my makeup all the time and I know I don’t do it perfectly. If I ever acheive a smoky eye like those on the commercials, I am going to throw a party! I’m just saying that if you know someone who wears way too much makeup, maybe it’s time to speak up. As embarrassing as it is, if you were walking around looking like you just got off the stage at a theater, wouldn’t you want someone to tell you? I would!

I don’t understand how someone could look in the mirror and say, “Wow. My makeup looks great!” In case they do though, I just hope they have a friend who’s willing to be brave and speak up. At some point, someone close to them should say something. Otherwise, you see people who look like this:

The last woman is beautiful. She absolutely doesn’t need all the makeup she has on. She would look much, much better with less. The only thing worse than too much makeup is a someone who tans nonstop. Please people, you aren’t supposed to be bright orange! You are causing skin cancer and it looks awful. Just stop. Really, it’s ok.

 Orange you gonna say I look perdy?

Source for all the photos: Google Images "Too Much Makeup" and "Fake Tan"

I decided that I was going to embrace my body this summer. I went out and bought two super cute sundresses, one long and one short. I put on the shorter one and headed to Walmart with my daughter. The dress hits above the knee a couple of inches, but it’s not too short or anything, so I never really worried about it. Well, Cedar City is the windiest city EVER. I swear! It’s like this constant running joke here between everyone that when there is no wind, the world is coming to an end or something.

Anyway, so I get to Walmart, I get out of the car and I’m nearly blown away. Typical, no biggie. Then, as I’m walking around the car I realize that I have to hold my dress down. I am trying to keep the dress down and get the stroller out of the trunk. I don’t have enough arms for both, so I just hope that no one is looking. Apparantly someone was… As I’m getting the stroller out and unfolded, I hear a woman start to holler at me.

“Hey! I hope you have something on under there!”

I whirled around to see this semi-scary, odd looking old woman wandering towards me.

“I do! No worries! I’m just pulling a “Marilyn Monroe!” *chuckle and smile*

“Good! You know some girls……*#$&%?^……*inaudible words*”

My what!? The woman didn’t look happy or pleased at all. I’m not entirely sure what she said at the end, but I believe she made reference to my unmentionables and letting them hang out or something. (I’m purposely not writing what she said, because it was not even something I’d ever say.) I just stood there for a second. I didn’t expect an old woman to make a comment like that. She continued to say stuff to me, but she also continued walking. She was still mumbling things several cars down.

Moral of the story? If it’s windy and you have a skirt on, wear boy shorts underneath or your unmentionables may be berated by an old woman! Oh, and for the record, I did NOT show anything or any unmentionables, thank you very much. It was a close call and a good lesson.

I had a really fun 4th of July. I made a whole bunch of food and I invited my mom and brothers over for an “appetizer” dinner. I made bruschetta that was to die for, my favorite couscous-stuffed bell peppers with mini peppers, so they were bite size, spinach artichoke dip with baguettes, fruit tartlets that were almost too pretty to eat, and some divine caramel chocolate candy dipped apples that were soooo good. I even made orange-lemon-lime julius to wash down the caramel apples. I have to pat myself on the back for this one, because for once every new recipe was a huge hit and it was all done right on time!

4th of July is usually about fireworks and family and our country’s independence, but this year it was all about the food! Ok, so we did do some fireworks too, which my sweet little sixteen month old loved. We even got her back up and watched the city fireworks after dark, and they were admittedly pretty awesome. It was really fun to watch the expression on my little girl’s face when she saw the huge ones that filled the sky. She kept pointing and grinning. She definitely enjoyed them.

The recipe for the fruit tartlets will be posted soon!

Cedar City has a ton of festivals and fairs every summer. In fact, it’s been featured in numerous newspaper articles across the country as one of the cities with some “can’t miss” festivals, particularly the Shakespearean Festival. We went to that a couple of years ago, but we’ve been dying to go see all of them and this is the year!

Last weekend was the Groovefest Music Festival/Arts Festival. We took some time away from working on the fence to go Saturday night. It was a blast! They had a huge stage with live bands playing the entire time and tons of booths. We had to eat a funnelcake and caramel apples and other yummy things while we wandered through the various arts booths. I have to say that they were spectacular. Some were your typical homemade jellies and jams, baby hair bows and the like, while others had incredible metal sculptures and paintings and hand carved wood. My favorites were the pressed flower art, the butterfly displays, and the leather brush art. The pressed flower art sounds tacky and old-fashioned, but it was beautiful. It was so well done and modern. I loved it! The butterfly displays were even more incredible. This woman had taken real butterflies and posed them with flowers and other natural things in acrylic shadow boxes. I would LOVE to have bought one, but they were too expensive for us right now.

Then there was this wonderful booth with a guy who was very skilled in leather brush art. You gave him a name and he would draw it out with each letter being a different animal or nature scene. They all represented various things: success, happiness, wealth, strength, etc. He drew it right in front of you and it was SPECTACULAR!!!! We couldn’t resist getting Mireya’s name done and one that had my hubby’s name and mine with a heart in between. For what he was doing the price wasn’t bad and it was an opportunity we couldn’t pass up. I got so excited while he was doing our names and I made such a scene with oohing and ahhing, that a ton of people came over and they got their names done too. I inadvertently got this fellow some great business. One woman even said, “I wasn’t going to get mine done, but yours looks so great…” Lol, the guy deserved it! He was a truly gifted artist.

Mireya had a lot of fun too. She danced and sang with the music and she thoroughly enjoyed looking at all the booths. Next year we are going to have to save up some money to take so we can get some of the gorgeous works of art we see. I can’t wait!

The first step in building our backyard fence was cementing fence posts into the ground. We knew it would be the most tedious, difficult job, but holy crap. It was dreadful. First, we had to dig the holes. A friend and his sons helped hubby buy posts, cement, and rent an auger. They got the holes measured and a straight line set up. We thought the auger would do all the hard work of digging the holes, but it didn’t. Some of the holes were only a few inches deep, because the auger just couldn’t get through our hard, rocky, clay soil. Basically, it just got things started. Hubby and I spent several weeks going outside whenever we had a few free minutes and we dug all 20 holes down two feet. It was a pain in the butt, let me tell you! We had to soak them overnight and then we could go down another couple of inches, so it was a very long, frustrating process.

By last weekend, we had all of the holes dug and we were ready to cement the posts in. We went out early Saturday morning and spent about four hours aligning all the posts and getting supports set up. Each post had to be six feet high and perfectly straight or our fence would look ridiculous. It was really aggravating, because the slightest little thing would knock a post one way or another and then we’d have to realign it. We went out again on Sunday and finished aligning the rest of the posts. Then we had to cement them all in.

Hubby’s Dad let us borrow his cement mixer, which was a huge help. However, neither of us have any experience with cement. It took us a while to figure out what the best way to mix it and pour it was. It didn’t help that each bag of cement weighed 80 pounds. Once we got a rhythm down, it wasn’t too bad, all things considered. Hubby mixed it and I shoveled it into the holes and made sure there were no air bubbles or anything. At the end of the day, eight hours of hard labor later, we had all of our fence posts in. YAHOO! I could hardly believe that we got it all down and all by ourselves too! The person who helped us the most was my mom. She watched Mireya while we were outside working. It would never have been possible to do all of it with Mireya outside. It would have been dangerous too. We couldn’t find anyone to help with the labor, so it was a lot more work than we anticipated, but it was satisfying to see it all come together. We are incredibly sore and worn out. Yesterday we were like walking zombies, but the hardest part is over. Check it out: